Low Self−esteem: Signs, Symptoms, Treatment (Woman, Man, Child, Tenager) (I'm a woman)

According to experts, our psyche is made up of many small parts called sub-personalities. These sub-personalities are our behavioral patterns, inner beliefs, feelings, engraved programs about reality, and much more. Just to illustrate, a sub-personality is the part of you that overeats, that is critical, that sabotages your goals, the kind and compassionate part, etc.

So, when you have issues with self-esteem (e.g. extremely low self-esteem) and low confidence, this can be looked upon as a part that feels, thinks and behaves accordingly. Thus, working with these sub-personalities and transforming them into patterns of healthy behavior can change who you are, over time.

Find a downloadable meditation how-to on transforming your sub-personalities, or go to a professional, if you need extra support.

Check out orindaben.com for a good meditative journey.

Low confidence and self-esteem don't just happen overnight. They are usually a product of negative psychological experiences, accumulated over a long-time period. Perhaps you messed up your relationship or marriage. Maybe you ruined a good job by being lazy, late or drunk, or your big mouth had you losing friends.

Whatever negative experiences happened in the past, memories of them do remain inside. Some people are overly sensitive, self-critical and self-aware that they cannot forgive their inappropriate behavior from the past. They are so overwhelmed with guilt and criticism that they can become insecure with who they are, and very withdrawn, due to shame that can grow into low confidence and self-esteem issues.

Practicing self-acceptance is a way to love oneself and one's mistakes. This opens the door to forgiving oneself for what was done in the past, thus releasing the painful past itself. Releasing the past leads to releasing guilt and shame and building a new self-image of a confident self that can venture out into the world with more self-confidence and self-esteem.

Although a controversial discipline, it is part of psychology and some people use it a lot to work on inner issues, including extremely low self-esteem, low self-esteem in children, etc. These days you can download mp3 hypnotic regressions for almost any issue. There are a number of popular hypnotists that sell products particularly for low confidence and self-esteem. If you would like they also do private sessions, but these are more costly than doing it on your own from home.

If you still hesitate, do some online reading and see if you can find testimonials from people that have had similar problems and used hypnotism to help them change their behavior. 

NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is an approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard Bandler. Its techniques can modify behavior and help people self-improve. This is an effective approach in dealing with personality and behavioral issues that sabotage your life and performance. In fact, many professional motivators use NLP to some degree, to help people excel in every area of their lives.

NLP is very good to alleviate or completely resolve and self-esteem issues. Find a suitable professional near you, and if this is too expensive for you there are many books and CD's that have programs for self-improvement at home.

Anthonyrobbinsfoundation.org is a great place for self-esteem and confidence products.

This solution falls into the domain of alternative therapy. Dr. Edward Bach invented 38 flower essences that when used individually or combined, they can create shifts in one's emotions, mind and body. Bach remedies don't treat symptoms -- they go to the core of your feelings to work on peeling them like layers of an onion until you get to the core of the problem. 

This is not something you can do on your own. You will need to find a licensed professional, who will first do a lengthy interview with you, after which they will combine several flower essences in a tailored-for-you remedy you will consume at home.

The effects are reported to be subtle, but effective over time.

Click here to visit the Bach Centre home page.

Don't worry, I don't mean you should have plastic surgery. Low confidence and self-esteem issues often have their roots in the physical appearance. These days we are bombarded on TV by men and women with perfect bodies that spend all of their time in the gym, and due to this, they have confidence, they are self-assured and have sex appeal.

As shallow as this sounds, it is true that exercise influences not only our body, but it also has a great impact on how we feel. Many studies show that being fit will not only increase your energy and detoxify you, but you will experience better moods, a sense of aliveness, freedom and even euphoria.

If you are one of those people that has seriously neglected your body, doing regular exercise that will tone, strengthen and energize your body will change you aesthetically and this can also help you feel better in your own shoes.

So go and join a gym and see how you feel after several months.

It is said that self-esteem, courage, confidence and self-assertiveness comes form a strong stomach. It is a metaphor for warriorship and knighthood.

Martial arts and self-defense train the body, mind and spirit to function as one. However, they also focus tremendously on inner strength and resilience. People involved in martial arts appear very humble and relaxed, but they have great confidence, inner power, discipline, and are able to get things done. They have great self-esteem and self-assertiveness. 

This is not an activity for everyone though, some people find martial arts appealing, while others do not.

If you like this advice, go online on Youtube and check out some martial-art types. Then visit a gym a see how they train and what they focus on. Make sure you find a place where you will fit in and enjoy the training.

Sometimes low confidence and self-esteem arise from a negative inner dialogue. When negative thoughts and criticism plays over and over in a person's head, it is not only believed as true, but it also generates "mental mass". This means that it becomes an engraved belief that lives within an individual and it becomes the "truth" about who they are. 

It is not easy to stop this overnight, especially if it has been going on for some time. To begin with, start writing a journal where you will write down every bad thought you have about yourself during the day. Don't do anything else, but write it down. Pick a negative thought you don't like. Then make it into a positive statement. Write the positive statement down. Say it out loud confidently. Make it into an affirmation that you repeat during the day. 

For example, if you say to yourself in your head "I am not beautiful", you will shift that statement into "I am beautiful".

Whenever you "hear" the negative thought in your head say "stop!" Then place the positive affirmation after it and repeat it with positive feelings until you feel the new thought "settling in".

Give yourself a challenge. It could be doing pushups, getting up earlier, taking a course, asking someone out regardless of their answer, whatever is a challenge for you. Make sure the chalenge is really a challenge. If you can do 20 push-ups, but give yourself the task of doing 5, this won't count as a challenge. Also make it achievable. For example, if you can do 20 push-ups, challenge yourself to do 22.

By giving yourself tasks and taking action, you "unfreeze" yourself from the state of lack of confidence. You enter a dynamic psychological state which can change your apathy and propel you into a healthy state of expanding your limits. Going after something can give you a sense of success which will increase your self-worth and thus your self-esteem. Achieving something builds-up confidence and is great for changing your inner sense of self, your inner image.

Have you seen people that desperately try to be someone else? They look like a bad copy. So, when someone "solves" their problem by pretending to be who and what they are not, in reality they enlarge their initial problem by sending messages of inadequacy to their subconscious mind, basically telling themselves that who and what they are is wrong and that they find it better to be someone else. This also effectively undermines their feelings of confidence and self-esteem.

If you find that you are one of these people, then please stop. Drop the mask. Get in touch with your self and begin to love and accept yourself. After you are able to do this, you may be able to identify who you are, what your dreams, hopes and values are. Then stick to this person that is you. Be authentic, be real. This builds up self-esteem and confidence by sending your subconscious mind messages that it is OK to be yourself. 

This is a commitment to yourself that you need to value and stick to.

Taking risks is one of those things that can help you deal with the fear of low self-confidence, and build up your self-confidence and self-esteem. When talking about taking risks, it is not desirable to do something which you know you don't have a chance of doing (like bare-arm wrestling a bull) because this will just solidify your negative self-image.

So, do something simple, but achievable. Ask someone out on a date. Tell your ideas to your boss. Take a risk and take a leap. You also need to remember that things may not work out as you think they will. This is part of taking risks. This is also part of the healing process. So what if something doesn't work out? That too is part of life. Be kind towards yourself, accept that you did your best, and that next time you will do even better. Congratulate yourself on taking a chance and focus on an even better future.

Devote some time to find what your passions are. Rekindle an old flame in your heart for a hobby or an activity that you would love to do. Pursuing this can give your life much pleasure, joy and aliveness, and feeling good with your life means feeling good about yourself. 

Pursuing a passion leads to self-improvement, self-expansion, and this breaks through the chains of low confidence and self-esteem.

The book "Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins is highly recommended for working on patterns of self-sabotage, fear, confidence issues etc.

You can find it on Google books.

Is low self-esteem your pain point? The causes of low self esteem and lack of self-confidence are often the product of our culture of comparing ourselves to others in society. When we do so, we almost always find ourselves inferior to someone else, because there is always someone out there that is somehow better that us at something. We project this behavior in relationships, dating, job performance, parenting, you name it - we are always comparing ourselves to others for self-validation.

The trick to having self-esteem and confidence is to feel good about yourself. Our advice is: STOP comparing yourself to others! There can never be another you. You can never be someone else. 

If you try hard to improve yourself in every area of your life, you can become the highest expression of yourself. You can become the best version of yourself, and that is something no one can take away from you, because no one can be better at being you than yourself.

Why is my self esteem so low and how can I improve it? These days affirmations and positive visual cues are "in" and they do work. How can you use them?

Write down several negative thoughts and feelings you have about yourself. For example, you might feel that you are not attractive and hear a voice in your head saying "no one loves me." Now take a blank card (color it, e.g. pink, rose) and write down with large printed letters "I AM LOVABLE, I ATTRACT LOVE" and place this card somewhere that you will constantly see it. Every time you pass by or look at it, you will stop, read it and will start believing in it (almost like digesting the information and making it part of your psyche).

You can do this for several areas of your life, placing cards near your bed, living room, workspace, exercise area, PC, etc. Whenever you feel negative thoughts and feelings arise, repeat your affirmations feeling them to be true.

Affirmations do work. You just need to feel and believe them to be true, and then they enter your subconscious mind and do their miracle.

Note: This is how to help a child with low self-esteem, too, but be careful not to achieve the opposite effect.

When you are feeling really low on confidence and self-esteem, you have probably noticed that it is yourself that you find somehow inadequate. You are not happy with who you are. So what is the obvious solution? Change yourself, of course.

Get really quiet and peaceful, and become one with nature (e.g. go to a nice village), if you can. Feel tranquil and become with yourself (don't think about anything else). Now write down on a sheet of paper what would your ideal self be like. Describe your physical appearance, behavior, manners, lifestyle, daily activities, leisure time and hobbies, personal relationships.......everything you can think of. Imagine you give life to this picture and to yourself. Imagine you are inside that alternate reality where this is true. What are you like? What is your life like?

Come back from this mental exercise and make a list of all the things that are different in this alternate you. Write down positive sentences like: my better self is very fit, he always exercises and is very disciplined; my better self carries himself with integrity, he respects himself and others. Make this list detailed.

Now this list isn't complete fantasy. There are some things on that list that you can do right now: get some training for a better job and more financial satisfaction, join a gym, socialize more, take some courses etc. Circle two or three items on this list that you will work on in order to manifest this alternate better self. And don't quit until you are happy with what you have achieved.

This way you are not only re-shaping yourself, you are changing your life until it becomes the life that gives you joy and meaning. Do this for over a year and I promise that you will feel good and confident about yourself.

Note: This is how to help someone with low self-esteem, too.

When you feel less confident and you have low self-esteem symptoms (e.g. when you feel something is missing in your life), it is time to go within and investigate. The problem isn't always some past trauma. Sometimes the problem is simpler. You might feel insecure about yourself when you live a life that you weren't meant to have.

I know, this is a loaded statement in today's world where we all live lives that are oriented towards fitting-in and losing our core self.

Many people feel bad about themselves because they are "receiving" a deeper impulse from their soul, their inner self, their core, that they are here to do something else in life, to fulfill a dream, a sense of purpose. This is called "the hero's journey".

No matter what you do in life, following your core and dream creates a sense of power and euphoria, a sense of aliveness that is best described by living your bliss.

If you are not familiar with these terms or ideas, then it is time to read about them. One of the best philosophers and proponents of this school of thought was the late Joseph Campbell. Who was he? He was many things, but it enough to say that George Lucas was his student and he based the Star Wars saga on Joseph Campbell's teachings.

I recommend you read these two books by Mr. Campbell (an American author and teacher best known for his work in the field of comparative mythology). They can inspire you to change your life for the better.

1. Pathway to Bliss: Mythology and Personal Transformation
2. The Hero's Journey

There are many online courses or courses you can download that can help you overcome your low self-esteem. They contain lectures, video materials, breaking negative patterns of thinking, enjoying life and much more. 

This course by Melanie Fennell is popular in the self-help industry.

Many people that have self-esteem issues don't really have a problem they suffer from (e.g. in their childhood, or a recent trauma). In fact, one of the causes of low self-esteem might be that they have a problem with the society they are part of.

Yes, it sounds strange, but you may be exhibiting values, needs, desires and a general outlook on life that is not part of the culture you are raised in, or at least not popular at this time.

For example, if you are part of a society where people that work hard (workaholics) are honored and looked upon, but you feel a need to balance your work life with outside activities that make you feel good, your friends and family might look down and frown upon you. Basically they are trying to change you so you can fit in. This can leave you feeling bad about yourself, having doubts and sense of insecurity about yourself, your value and your beliefs.

So write down your likes, wants, values and beliefs on a sheet of paper. Then write the values of your culture in a separate column. Is there a collision of values? How many items are colliding? How much are they disharmonious?

At the end of the day, happiness comes from being true to yourself, so realizing that you do not need to follow cultural programming can be very liberating and empowering. You do not have to accept values that you don't like. 

1. Speak positively to yourself and reduce your self-criticism.

2. Focus on what you do best and feel it empowering you.

3. Aim at being your best self.

4. Avoid "perfection" by seeing what it really is - a trap to never feel good about oneself because perfection can never be achieved.

5. Don't focus on your shortcomings and mistakes - see if you can learn something from your actions.

6. Empower and expand your potential by doing new things.

7. Enroll in a fitness or martial-art school.

8. Set achievable goals with deadlines and actually do them.